everyone has been thinking thoughts since they had words to use for thoughts and even before. everyone has had their entire lifetime filled with perceptions. each individual has had secrets and experiences and is amazing in some way. everyone has felt their world crumble around them. everyone has felt sadness.

fuck. you.

go here, it's where I've been posting.

me on tumblr

peut-être dans l'amour avec deux personnes

What am I?
Honestly. I don't really feel like a woman or girl all the time. I never feel completely apart of any sexual orientation. Or any class. I'm like a self unaware blob.

I'm doing the poet thing now

Yo I have a friend named Beata
She is as fierce as a cheeeeata
She wears awesome sundresses
Her writing skills impresses
Anybody who reeeeeeaaadaaa

p>cellarghosts:

seven-swans:

Recently I’ve posted a quote by Lady Gaga and explained why I did not like it or her. As soon as it had happened, I received a plethora of rude anonymous hate mail. None of it really stating anything other than I don’t have any music tastes, my blog is awful, and I’m a bitch. That being said, several others have asked me for the exact reasoning behind my distaste for a certain Gaga. In the past I have made quite a long post about this exact subject, but it seems as though I’m going to have to revamp it. Before any of you start sending me any hate mail, remember that this is all a matter of opinion. I’m not calling you a bitch for loving her, don’t call me a bitch for hating her. On to the first few topic liners.

001: THROWING HER AUDIENCE INTO THE OUTCAST.

If you haven’t quite noticed, and I’m sure most of her hardcore fans have, Lady Gaga is really good at informing her fans that it’s okay to be in the outcast and that she roots for the underdog. And, yeah, that’s really great of her and it’s correct… she’s going too far with this. She has been solely catering to the ‘outcast’ and she seems to not want to sing to those who are already confident. If you weren’t bullied in school or if you aren’t weird, then she just doesn’t seem to care. When has she ever expressed any emotion for people who have had a decent life so far? Never. That being said, she’s sort of… forcing people to dwell on the negative and to feel as though they aren’t wanted and are the outcast. And then she pulls her self-martyrdom act and tries to free you from the chains that she’s already put you in without you even knowing. I don’t like how she thinks that she is a righteous woman who is lifting people up and helping them. What she is really doing is shackling her fans down and forcing them to believe that they are in the wrong. Once she’s done that, she suddenly sings about being born that way. So then she forces you to feel like it’s okay and wonderful to have these flaws that she pointed out in the first place. She is not a goddess or a miracle worker, she’s just damning you to your flaws and quirks.

 002: THE PATH TO SELF-PITY:

Gaga has this thing. Where she likes to point out how hard of a life she has had. How people used to call her rabbit-teeth, how nobody liked her, how she was always bullied in school, how she was told that she was too ethnic to be a star. I’m not falling for it. On several accounts that have been recently released, it has been said that Gaga is lying about being bullied in school. While she wasn’t exactly popular, she wasn’t an outcast or bullied. Who is the one for me to believe in this situation? Not too sure. But she was raised in an upper crust family who was wealthy, she went to a very nice school, and she has always had a foot in the door of the music industry. She’s had a good, if not wonderful life. She never cried or complained about being bullied before, but once it became a big thing for people to do she started to constantly cry about how hard she had it in school. I feel as though it’s a phoney act that she is putting on. I do like that she is telling people that bullying is okay, that’s a lovely message, but lying about being bullied is downright disgusting. In recent videos for her HBO concert, she is just seen crying and continuously wiping at her tears. It all seems very put on to me. I’ve asked several other people, and they agree with me. I just don’t see how throwing yourself into a situation that you may not have actually gone through can be considered acceptable. She’s a millionaire now, so why does she all of a sudden have to complain about how hard it’s been? Of course it’s hard. Life is hard. You’ve always been in the music industry, so stop complaining about it and count your blessings.

003: THE MADONNA EFFECT:

The Madonna Effect is something that a lot of artists have done. It’s not saying they are copying Madonna, it’s saying they are similar. When you throw religion, sex, and scandal around in your music and cause controversy is what is considered the Madonna Effect. Lady Gaga is taking this to brand new extremes. It should be called the Gaga Effect by now. She’s throwing religious symbols and derogatory terms around like it’s nobody’s business and then right after she starts thanking God and praying. You don’t swallow a rosary and then go on about Jesus saved your life. For someone going to a Catholic school and coming from an Italian, Catholic family she uses God’s name like a playtoy. And while not everyone is religious, and while not everyone may care, it’s very insulting to the people who do actually believe. Now she is pulling the race card, the sexuality card, the poor card, the wealthy card, and any other card she can think of just to cause controversy. She wants the attention. She craves the attention. She doesn’t give a damn what you think, she just wants you to buy her albums because she’s singing to you that it’s okay that you were born black. And it’s okay that you were born gay. It’s okay that you were born Asian. Hearing about your obvious traits is somehow very appealing to everyone, and she knows that. Controversy is what she thrives on, now.

004: USING HOMOSEXUALS AS A CRUTCH:

When she first came out, did you ever hear about her standing up for the gays? No. Did you ever hear her praising the gays? No. All of a sudden she is using us as a crutch. It’s wonderful that she donates to certain organizations, but several have released information that she hasn’t donated the money that she says she is. That’s her business, not my own. I liked her speech in front of the White House, that was a good one. That was when she actually seemed to care about the cause. After that, she began using the gay community as a crutch. With the video for Alejandro, bringing the exiled soldiers to television shows, singing Born This Way, etc etc. At this point in time, she’s not even doing much for the rest of her audience. She’s just loving the gays and feasting on the attention and money that they give her. She steals gay culture and sells it back with a steaming pile of shit on top and she calls it art.

005: GAGA ISN’T EVEN GAGA:

Over these few years, Gaga of 2011 isn’t even the Gaga that we all know. She’s completely remodeled herself and she’s not even a human anymore. She is a brand. She is a name. She is manufactured. She is fake. She was once a unique, lovable person with an incredible talent. I used to obsess over her. I basically worshiped the ground that she walked on. I never called her Mother, because that’s just weird, but I really, truly loved her. I loved that she was unique and nobody else was like her. I liked her music because it was catchy and fun. I loved The Fame, and I really liked The Fame Monster. But after the Bad Romance video came out she started going above and beyond to appear different. She already was different, but she thought she had to keep outdoing herself. Her shtick is going to run out soon and she won’t be able to outdo herself anymore. Her music is going down the drain. I don’t know what the heck happened after The Fame Monster, but now she’s preaching about being Born This Way. You can’t go around saying to everyone that they need to love and be themselves when you’re wearing a meat dress and you have horns on your face and shoulders. She’s not staying true to who she is, she’s staying true to the money that she thinks she is going to make by being completely off the charts and lying to her fans. My fingers are crossed that we’ll get the old Gaga back, the one who actually cared more about her music and not her image. We’ll see what comes out of this new robotic Gaga, but I won’t give any of my hopes up.

So much truth. 

 

Interesting people my age are so hard to become friends with. I don't get it. I'm artistic, smart, and not always boring. I have interesting friends, but they're pretty busy with being older- graduating, going to bars, travel.. I like to think that I'm easy to be friends with, but really I have no idea.

I want posters all over next year

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Lesbians goin' out <3 musicals being sung!

Lady Gaga on Bullying

I just watched this and I had some points to share:

I don't get what Lady Gaga is going for if she wants people to be themselves and empowered but uses "you're sexy" as opening reassuring words. She just sounds crazy the way she speaks, but maybe just drunk. It's kind of hard for anyone to be themselves and be sexy. One is much more important than the other, but whatever.

"If anyone has ever put you in a fucking trash can you can always get the fuck out"
No, probably not, because they're bigger than you and more aggressive if they got you in the can in the first place. But you can look at them and think, "what a piece of shit. maybe they'll get their slap in the face one day, if not, they may have no hope." Actually, I don't have an alternative to her solution. I definitely do recommend getting out of the trashcan.

Finally someone notices my tye dye leggings.

Donning pants today.

Tuesdays

Are usually busy :|

I promised I wouldn't put this on facebook.

This week in clothes, but not really.

 Vienna Class

hate posing, because I look dumb but just focus on the outfit or whatever you want.

Sometimes, I hate only having a webcam because you can't see that I'm wearin' a lace skirt under my red dress.

Breaking the Silence outfit, completed with pride pin. When I got there I put on the free tee. Pics later.

Houston is part of the LGBTQIA Community. I think he's asexual. He's def dying a virgin.

:e

one time, it was warm. Brewster wants to get those pins made at Tangled Up in Hue

I'm not singing at this moment. I should be. Later. ugh,

i like

fuck one time things.

I care enough to include in the title that this is a long post, but I don't care enough to shorten it.

I'm going to go Zoe Margolis on y'all. If you don't know, she's the author of Diary of a Sex Fiend, a witty twitter update composer, British, and a pretty awesome feminist. Basically, she's me (well, that's what I tell myself). I lost her book because I lent it out to my friends when I was in high school-- it's about sex! And it is told from a feminist perspective. I figured I'd lure my friends in, and by the end they'd rethink using the word slut and advocate for women's equality and rights. I don't know how that turned out, but they always like the book anyway.

Mine is the diary of another woman. First of all, I don't feel like a woman right now. I'm just getting the point across. And I may not be the third part of the traingle. Either way, involved was a sleepover of the least innocent quality with a friend who has a girlfriend in Madison of like four fucking years. I only know that from facebook. I definitely have been justifying it in my head as I have some guilt for the events. I don't know if I should feel guilty. I've never agreed with people in college who stay with their boyfriends they got with when they were 16.

Personally, I think who you love in high school is so different from anyone you'll meet in 'adulthood'. Staying with your partner in college, especially when they are far away inhibits one to think independently. I've seen it in every case I know of. When I planned on staying with Gian in college, we definitely discussed that and decided to be really open with our relationship. Basically, I hate monogamy anyways and he and I started off as super casual before we fell for each other.

So why do I feel guilty? Probably has to do with that I had to tell my best friend. I didn't want to keep anything from her, and she and I hang out with this chap all the time. She's known him forever, and introduced us. I like saying chap, so that will be his reference. My best friend is super understanding, but really surprised at him and what happened. Weird, because I knew it would happen when I met him. All of the sudden since I've moved to Eau Claire I just read people really well. I have no idea how it happened. Maybe too much drug use or something. I bet I could tell you what you were thinking. One time we hung out, and the chap said something about lying being easy when the person expects you to be responsible and honest. Um, alarms?

The only reason I would let myself fell guilty for is if our actions hurt somebody. However, who knows? They have a really high chance of not being right for each other. They might even be open like Gian and I are. Emily hates talking about her feelings to people; therefore she will not be the instigator of talking about it with the ol' chap. He doesn't seem like he's going to tell, either. I just wish monogamy wasn't so gosh damn important. I'm not denying that sex has baggage or saying that I want to have sex with everyone. It's just that there can be trust and non-monogamy. Obviously, trust is being breeched in my situation but there are definitely people *ahem* (me) that have been secure enough with someone to let them for lack of a better word, stray. In my experience, you just have to be honest. If you can't be honest with someone all the time, how will you know if you're lying when you say "I love you" ?

I think what I'm trying to do is figure out if it's ok or not to do what I did. It's ambiguous, and it will stay that way. I'm obsessively thinking about it and have no one to talk with. you know.

i'll type later

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i lived in my own little art world fantasy

eh, cobain said that. never did finish watching About a Son, so I'm getting to that now. Everything is so weird. I wanted to blog, actually. Just now. And now I have nothing to say.

Did adoption help me or help their guilty consciences?

lavender by spinalectricity on Polyvore.com

Have you ever read that one essay on if all people were immortal?
[12/13/10 12:24:40 AM] emily leclaire: every decision would have to be approved by thousands of generations of advise
[12/13/10 12:24:56 AM] emily leclaire: some people would run around doing everything
[12/13/10 12:25:00 AM] emily leclaire: others would do nothing
[12/13/10 12:25:41 AM] emily leclaire: immortality is so complex, but there's no way it could be cool
[12/13/10 12:25:52 AM] emily leclaire: if you do it alone, people are constantly dying
[12/13/10 12:26:04 AM] emily leclaire: with your lover you're always together and struggling
[12/13/10 12:26:15 AM] emily leclaire: with a group there becomes traditions and secrets
[12/13/10 12:27:38 AM] emily leclaire: but because we die, we value life and hopefully the people around us live full lives.. there will be someone who lives past your death. your lover is always with you but not for more than 60 years, and you can choose to not be apart of tradition