bitter??

Love is ambiguous, there is no solid foundation of what it is or isn't.
In a way is love not just letting someone use you? Two people using each other with permission?? Pain inevitable. Losing them unavoidable. I gave him the permission to use me and he barely took that invitation.

This boy not using me as much as I would have liked is what confuses me. His loving words never matched his actions. He said he loved me so much, he acted like I didn't exist. My theory is we both just wanted to feel loved.

In retrospect, we have had nothing in common for a long time. He rarely made me laugh. I dislike hisfriends and they dislike me. We're two different people intellectually. I can't listen to his music; he missed my concerts. He wanted me to be nice to my mother and  I can't stand that woman.

He had most of my best interests in mind. I love his parents, home, cooking. I love being in his arms, I love his body.

He didn't seem hurt when I left him
Part of me wanted him to change for me
Knowing it isnt worth it for him to change for me when we
are so blatantly different

It hasn't been long enough for me
to decide if I wanna date
I think not.
Unless he's in choir
college, and just all around perfect.
Maybe I should actually visit some colleges thenn haha

Maybe I'll think poorly of ex-bf and
then eventually I will not miss having arms to be
wrapped up in