I miss Buddhism

I want more more more!

I feel bad

my memory causes me to hurt others' feelings
like my roomate Lauren's bc she didn't know that I
virtually forget everything instantly and remember it hours later.
booooooo

Dreams assignment for choir

I am apart from the chaos but I have been effected by it. I’m in what I think is Milwaukee but there is fear, fire, and all the buildings and roads look like they’ve been bombed. There are helicopters and guns and soldiers stalking the ground. A car comes and picks me up, the drivers are Krista and Josh only aged. There are several kids in the back seats. I am happy now to be with them in the Jeep type car but people start asking us to get in the car but there is no room. It’s as if there is a war right here in Wisconsin, like it’s the future and the wars in the east have blown up into this gigantic world war. I feel safe in the car but all innocence of the world is gone anyways so I also feel intense dread. This is the first and only dream I’ve had like this but my nightmares always involve cars.

Truth =?= Fact

My Myers psychology textbook defines informational social influence as influence 
resulting from one's acceptance of others' opionions about reality opinion of reality. 
Opinion.
Reality. 

I'm shocked that I can't argue that. What reality is is just my opinion. 
Truth is opinion. This is human capacity. We're as complex as we are while
we also lack definite anything. Is it just us or the whole universe? 
I'm writing to figure this out. Are we too simple to see like real truth or
is there no truth but what we believe is true? If you're lost, I'm very sorry. 

To try to clarify I'm talking two truths: 
something true that we may or may not believe is the first.
The second: our own opinion truth which becomes a truth bc of our belief in it.
 
 What I really wanted to get at though is

Is it tragic or beautiful that all of existence 
is fact but we can only comprehend our own opinion 
of it?
I argue that it is romantic to believe this a beautiful thing. In reality our own truths get 
us in trouble. However, without this trouble there becomes less of a reason to exist. I'm not 
saying we HAVE a reason but if we already knew the truth we'd get bored.

from "On a Streetcar Named Success"

Once you know that this is true, 

that the heart of man, his body 

and his brain, are forged in a 

white hot furnace for the purpose

of conflict and with that

conflict removed, the man 

is a sword cutting daisies... 

..You know then that the 

public Somebody you are 

when you "have a name" is 

a fiction created with mirrors and 

that the only 

somebody worth being is the 

solitary and unseen you that 

exsisted from your 

first breath... 

Tennessee Williams

(coolest guy ever) 

vs angel Doutzen Kroes Numero Tokyo's May 2010 issue photography by Alexi Lubomirski

I have a perfect body

Custard Eating Champions

I still feel like Gian and I won. 2nd to last place is really important. My friends all like him (:

I love to sing for you

christmas
 Mozart <3

no reason. stupid.

AtheistQOTD: "Religion... comprises a system of wishful illusions together with a disavowal of reality"Sigmund Freud

Subject: UWO Scholarship To: emilyespresso@live.com

Hi, Emily - I just wanted to be in touch to congratulate you on your music scholarship award for the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh.  We were impressed with your vocal audition and heard much potential for growth - you have an impressive instrument and we are hopeful you will accept the award and join us on campus next fall! Please let me know if I can be of any assistance as you make your final decisions. I would welcome the opportunity to be persuasive - thank you.  Ms. Andrews

Professor Joyce Andrews
Music Department
University of Wisconsin Oshkosh
800 Algoma Blvd.
Oshkosh, WI 54901
(920) 424-4224

Emily,

      Gosh – where to begin?  First of all, I thought you sounded angelic last night.  Your voice absolutely soared, and I looked forward to you singing every time (especially after I knew you had worked out the kinks!)  I think that with the right state of mind, a healthy dose of determination, and the willingness to work harder than you have ever worked before you will be a successful performance major.  I say all of that because I believe you already have the instrument.  Will you refine and make it better?  Ohhhh yeah… but… I believe you really are talented.  Just remember that this major will not be a walk in the park.  If it ever feels that way, just remember to give yourself a very swift kick – QUICKLY – before you settle in on the wrong path.

     Emily, I hope that you are finding ways to pick up your grades.  I am sorry to hear how you have been doing.  Here is the thing – it is never too late to turn things around.  Make a decision that you are going to make 4^th quarter your finest.  Do it for yourself.  Do it to ready yourself for what is coming in the fall.  I know you can do it, Emily.  Just buckle down and work hard.  You are NOT a failure.  You are an outstanding human being with capabilities far beyond what you are able to comprehend.

     With all sincerity, let’s make this last quarter our best time together in choir.  It will mean that we all will have to lift ourselves to a higher plain on a daily basis, but I believe we are capable.  If we succeed, we will remember it forever.  You are fortunate to be part of a wonderful senior class.  Let’s finish it in a memorable way.

I want to make my own cover of this, but I might raise it like a fifth and make it more melodic. yay.

September 17, 2009 - Thursday

my own advise to myself Well, you seem to be able to reward yourself for writing your papers Keep that up, since it makes it interesting. This whole year you will regret taking AP Lit but think of it as your brain being fat and needing a personal trainer to get it ready for the marathon which is college. I have no idea why you took these AP classes, but there weren't any other classes that looked intellectual really. So just keep telling yourself you are smart, because in the end you are smart just don't compare yourself to your peers it's a waste of time.     I WAS BEING SUPER WISE WHEN I WROTE THIS. I wanna hug me.

RE: 10.12.09 CRITERIA

Must be in college. (or out? how old do I date?)

Not just button downs, not just AE.

Not a virgin.

Employed.

Doesn't eat a lot. but likes asian food and taco bell and shrimp.Edit: He likes shrimp.

One tattoo, less than 20 tattoos.
Less than 4 piercings. Depending on what.

Has one or more in common with me:

-Clingy 

Edit: this word is kinda negative but see above that it is in common with me. aaaand this guy has a busy life so yay.

-Musical

-Similar literature or art tastes

If this doesn't exist, I will either settle or become a fish lady. (Allergic to cats)
What do I do if I missed being loved?

Circa '08

im spinning around in a world of color, patterns, cafes, music and love. i never make sense to myself, or for that matter others. i love hearing beautiful sounds, and listening to experimental music, too. i'm eclectic in that i'm either being wild and unpredictable, or i can be toned down at times as well. i love keys and old jewlery, and antiques like bathtubs, bottles, and teacups. i like trying on different styles, but i'm not fake. you'll never see me without sunglasses, and i love being with my mom, my fiance, & my best friend. my grandma dorothy is my inspiration, i lead a life much like hers. go vegetarian, it's the best descision ever!

I really considered this but I've concluded

that I would not have what it takes to be in the Army. They called me today to recruit me and I wanted to jump right in, but then I gave it more thought and I would like to be away from home but I want to be able to go back when ever I want. I am very crabby and stubborn too. It's a big choice and I think I need to go to school now, even if it would be free later.

I don't know what to do

except wait. wait wait wait.
The thing about waiting is that
Sometimes it's a risk.

Gold may be my favorite color I think. But then again this red below is breathtaking. My Euro class wants to make a guillotine. And this soldier dude is in Kandahar which is where LeClair was the last time he was able to tell me where he was.

Reality vs. Politeness

 "They = Friends"

I am offended by people who assume 
boy + girl = dating

But I'm also discovering 
it is ok to be someone's girlfriend



Just remember, to assume is to make an ass of u + me



"They > Friends" 
 

I told everyone this dream, but I'ma blog it for me. "The Aardvark"

 I dreamed he and I were dating and wanted to get a pet to share so we went to a store where you could adopt a puppy. The dream started with us walking out of the door with an aardvark, trying to name him something ironic or funny. Gian said Rare Breed and it sounded awkward and funny so I instantly agreed and laughed. The aardvark was the size of a small puppy and was wearing a blue teeshirt. <3
 We crossed the street to the outskirts of a park in Milwaukee with tall skinny trees. On the corner was a newspaper vending box and Rare Breed was chillin over there and Gian asked me to call RB to see if he [instantly] knew his name. I called with a smile on my face, only for Rare Breed to become a biiig mastiff and attack my face.

D:

I can't put Saturday into words

e: I dont want to feel something I can't analyze

gian: I dont want to analyze something I don't feel

I went for a stroll

and the stroll made me happy.
I want freckles as soon as possible.
Walking in the sun may cause freckles.
Therefore, happiness.