12.12.10

Part of me is living in a fantasy and I've never told you yet

Part of me has a delusion that we are or are about to be famous, Courtney and Kurt style. Like you and I are an incarnate of their love, but we're a lot more folk. Inside I am planning our documentaries and publications, and I know you're constantly thinking of our art. It's like you already know I have this fake reality. Maybe I am too humble to know that it's the truth. Perhaps I am crazy in a way that we really are going to be in a documentary and I am too excited to accept it. Either way, this story is good for me in that it helps inspire me to create. I feel an importance to my thoughts, creations, appearance. Like, someday people will remember us and in hindsight and think that they thought we were raw and visionary when really right now people think I'm spacey and out there and you're negative and awkward.

I really feel like you know this already, and after thinking awhile I wonder if maybe I should not put it into words. Maybe I should have written this on paper, or not at all. What way will I get this to you? Email or telling you this post is out there is too direct, but I want to know when you get to this. I want you to read it now. I want you to judge me and strip all of my meaning down. To hate it before you accept it.

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