Why I miss school

When I'm not in school, I dont have enough structure to get things done.

What are my priorities? What will I have to give up to be happy?

I feel really good

It kind of feels like I'm in love with
a lot of different things right now

Les Miserables

Check out the album of Les Miserables
this music is great


i made a
link
to my songza playlist; i put les mis on it for you

7-8-9

Matty is one of my favorite people. We just be kids around each other. We make up silly voices and everyone is annoyed by us in the hallway. He's sooo immature but I can stand it. Example: He told me who my secret santa was D< boob. I call him Matty, I think he doesn't like it but let's me anyways. Part of me is so irresponsible and childlike and I'm glad I have one person who doesn't give a fuck that I don't act my age like ever.

What do you do

When your long distance relative
Shows your 6y/o sister your myspace?
Like I don't want to censor myself
But I don't want to be the inducer or 'teaching moments' with her
Ok maybe it should just be obv that Leslie reads it before Megan but Idk how it is though
I don't wanna censor me! Like this blog I've kept clean despite nobody knowing about it but my twitter has substance references
I'm not trashy 'bout it I usually make it unique and poetic or old song lyrics when I mention it. My twitter's private though.

I AM EMBRACING MY BANNER'S MESSAGE

and I'm letting other people see who I am
and I'm opening my eyes to people who
will love me

this is "Rachael" aka irl Lauren
C;

I only wish I had classes with these people all sooner
and had not been shy

bitter??

Love is ambiguous, there is no solid foundation of what it is or isn't.
In a way is love not just letting someone use you? Two people using each other with permission?? Pain inevitable. Losing them unavoidable. I gave him the permission to use me and he barely took that invitation.

This boy not using me as much as I would have liked is what confuses me. His loving words never matched his actions. He said he loved me so much, he acted like I didn't exist. My theory is we both just wanted to feel loved.

In retrospect, we have had nothing in common for a long time. He rarely made me laugh. I dislike hisfriends and they dislike me. We're two different people intellectually. I can't listen to his music; he missed my concerts. He wanted me to be nice to my mother and  I can't stand that woman.

He had most of my best interests in mind. I love his parents, home, cooking. I love being in his arms, I love his body.

He didn't seem hurt when I left him
Part of me wanted him to change for me
Knowing it isnt worth it for him to change for me when we
are so blatantly different

It hasn't been long enough for me
to decide if I wanna date
I think not.
Unless he's in choir
college, and just all around perfect.
Maybe I should actually visit some colleges thenn haha

Maybe I'll think poorly of ex-bf and
then eventually I will not miss having arms to be
wrapped up in

Roomates Pros and Cons

Stranger Pros

new friend
different lifestyle
different background
I'll be really clean for a good impression
possibility of her having good style, 

alcohol, 

nice friends, 

being in choir, 

being like me, 

being smart, rich

Stranger Cons

doesn't like me

stupid

too much partying

lots of boys

bad style

plays videogames

theft!!

uncultured

ahh i can think of too many!

sleeping sched. snoring

smelly

Rachael* Pros

*name has been changed

I can trust her

I like her

smart, funny, clean

musical

very determined, hard worker

level headed

easy to talk to

doesnt party

has a bf

we can go skiing

her hometown is my hometown, thus we can go home togeth

motivational

Rachael Cons

I might annoy her bc I'm immature

she might work too hard

I might be a bad influence?

we could get crabby and fight and it sucks (I always make up though so idk.)

Different sleeping schedules? idk hers but it can happen

What if she gets too Christian

different friends?

Strunk & White

I'm trying to do my S&W assignment boofuck
I love this picture, I didn't know it was being taken.
This was over the summer but I just realized it was on my friend's myspace!
Back to Avioding succession of loose sentances.

I am the proud new owner of:

A betta named Rummy
A betta named Houston (the street in NYC not the City in Tx)

A bowler hat

CRITERIA

Must be in college. (or out? how old do I date?)
Good style. Not just button downs, not just AE. Gotta have some uo or gap or ugly sweaters
Not a virgin.
Employed.
Doesn't eat a lot. but likes asian food and taco bell and shrimp.
One tattoo, less than 20 tattoos.
Less than 4 piercings. Depending on what.
Has one or more in common with me:
-Clingy
-Musical
-Similar literature or art tastes

If this doesn't exist, I will either settle or become a fish lady. (Allergic to cats)
What do I do if I missed being loved?

FUCK!

Fuck! I'm single!
Yay! I'm single!
more yay but wow.

PERMISSION GRANTED TO HATE MY LIFE

spinalectricity (5:39:43 PM): i dont have anybody to talk to

spinalectricity (5:39:47 PM): at

spinalectricity (5:39:47 PM): all

spinalectricity (5:40:53 PM): well can i talk to you about my life?

primaice2448 (5:41:33 PM): yes you can.

primaice2448 (5:42:09 PM): you just nag about the things we all have to deal with...

Translation: I love choir

If you're not using reason or scientific tests just STFU

On sexuality and the like.
Like who are you to say "being gay is wrong" or "being monogamous is right" "Everyone is bi" "bi is a trend"

Because prove it. Humans are far too complex to label "all this" "wrong that"
Some species of animal are polygamous while others have life long mates. The differences in their frontal cortex is something I don't know, but different lifestyles make different people happy. So me, I just accept it all, think critically, and respect psychologists looking for answers, if there are any.

I will say bi-sexual and stuff as fooling around and loveless promiscuity is a trend, but I will not extend that statement to love. Anyone can love.

This rant was sparked by various hate crimes at school and just love and lust stories in school and general social life. IDKKKKK

Religion is Beautiful ?

Human nature is to find patterns-- even when there is none.
On the light side, religion gives hope, meaning to life, values, unification

I envy the truly religious person: non-hypocritical, kind, easily faithful

But for me, there is no God. Not with everything here on this planet. I hate sounding so sure of myself, but this is also who  I am.

I wish this life were a test. I still have values and a purpose, but what is to come of it? What is the reward? Religious people have something to look forward to. That is what I covet. But in all reality they, like me and all the good and bad people will come to decompose underground. The electricity inside of us will cease fire, our brains and hearts will sleep. That is what we get for becoming successful lawyers, for donating to the poor, for leading genocide.

But is there hope? For me its progress and creation. The reward may be that we better the culture, planet, population and create new people and teach them what we have done.

Rambling is over, you can resume life (; I'm curious about your thoughts.

FWD: gingerlershuss:
my dad saw me smile rly big and he was like "IM HAPPY I GAVE THAT TO YOU THEN. LOOKIT THAT SMILE"

-From emily on my card (:

FWD: Go chase after the cunt and blow her brains out. That fuck

high school

helped out tri-m today, actually it was mandatory. but we sort the poinsettia plants and play cards and stuff. i never knew any card games until today! Well, I knew war and go fish lmao. But I learned uhh.. kings corner and BS and aaaaand sandwich? then angie and i went to cousins. it's been a great saturday. so far andrew got his card, I'm surprised Emily hasn't gotten hers. Tim will get his probably on monday. The question is.. when will my UWEC letter come? What will it say? ooooooooh!

I've given this thought

So, I've thought this out when I have been happy or mad at you and either way

mom, if you never talked to me again I would not care, if anything I would celebrate. I may be a teenager but you're not the be all end all, whoopdee do you raised me to be a selfish brat who gets her way. A true accomplishment. You've taught me nothing of your work ethic. What could I learn from a doormat who does what she's told? Well I can learn from the bad example. You're detrimental for your gender's respect, you fail to represent any pride for being native american, and you denied any chance of enrolling in post high school education. I never want to be you, and I don't care to talk to you. You're a typical woman, the kind of female who deserved to be a housewife and inhibited chances of intelligent women to be taken seriously. You were in an abusive relationship but you don't advocate for women's rights or anything. you have beliefs you don't stand for. you vote for who dad says to vote for. you never taught me how to cook. you make my dad miserable. you point out our mistakes. and also, you never shut up.

Suddenly

Suddenly, musical begins and the transition into the busy winter season descends over the music department and the students involved in it.

Many of us become stressed. For some it is our senior year: we understand the hard work ahead of us to maintain grades, put together a holiday concert, and perform a very well executed musical.

Others view the musical as a status. Underclassmen believe they are "The Shit" because they are good enough to be in the chorus. These are mostly freshmen. Some juniors have been given a lead role! Hooray! However, they also believe they are "The Shit" as the freshmen think. While I'm trying to be non-specific, since Evan W. as Cossette is a junior with her first lead role I must exclude her, shes not acting like the shit. I'm talking of course about my leading antagonist (both in my life and this show) Wendy Glessner. I've hated her longer than I can remember. And I am jealous that she landed the part I wanted. She has less talent than any of my fellow senior chorus or supporting role females. It feels weird to be jealous of her since I haven't been in the past.

For now, I'm happy I ranted.
However I realize the picture was what I was going to talk about: in all this stress, I look forward to fourth hour. Psychology is like a release for me since we rarely get homework, and I understand every last thing we learn. I like how people are, despite my rant above.

I got my first acceptance letter!!

Stress of the Season

So today I began making holiday cards which took me an hour to make four. Then I forgot how to label an envelope! Such fail right there. Next  I realized I left out CJ and Aary for long distance card sending... (CJ is a friend who moved from Mil to Chicago, Aary lives on the other side of the county) And the fun time of making Christmas cards went down hill like a Pam sprayed sled on a snow day. The holidays should be about fun but I'm stressing over what kind of candy Justin likes and who's going to be at Devon's party and when is Tyler coming home..
I had fun making the four cards that I made though. So when I regain the energy perhaps tomorrow Aary and CJ can get some cheer too.  See I used kind of a color scheme in the picture? 'Cept Emily S.'s card is pastel because A) ran out of country type colors B) she has a pastel personality C) She's the younger of the card recipients.
I used some patterned card stock with a woven solid card stock for the back. Christmas tree fonts and a pine cone picture. Simple but I was happy with my work. I'm almost done shopping for my close proximity friends too. Everything will be ok. Justing likes Nerds, Aary will be at Devon's party, and Tyler's coming home just in time.